She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
