So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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