I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Less talking, more tequila
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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