Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
