Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
