I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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