I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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