Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
