I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
