You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize