Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
