I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
