tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
