that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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