I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
