the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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