I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
