i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize