So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
