I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I DEMAND FORESKIN
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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