So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
