i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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