Porn is love you can see.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
