called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
