I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
