Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
