Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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