yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
