I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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