he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
