you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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