i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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