He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
