I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
