Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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