I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
