my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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