Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
