So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
