i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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