He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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