Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
