he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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