he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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