ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Duck Duck Cougar?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
