have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
