Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
