I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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