I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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