is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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