this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
