Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
