He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
