I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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