I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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