she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize