Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
