last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
