the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm both gender and math confused
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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