Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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