Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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