I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
