there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
