Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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