I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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