12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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