just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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