can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Two words: nipple clamps
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