You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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