He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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