The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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