did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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