I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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